Division of responsibility

How the split works at different ages

For a baby starting solids, you choose what goes on the spoon or tray, and your baby leads on pace and how much. As your child moves into the toddler years, you also take on when and where: regular meals and snacks, at the table, with the family. Your child's job stays the same throughout: whether to eat, and how much, from what you've served.

What it looks like at the table

• Serve meals and snacks at roughly the same times each day.
• Put one or two foods your child usually eats on the table at every meal.
• Let your child serve themselves when they're able.
• Let "all done" end the meal, without bargaining for more bites.
• Between meals and snacks, offer water rather than all-day grazing.

What it isn't

It doesn't mean serving whatever your child asks for, and it doesn't mean leaving your child to figure out food alone. You still plan the menu and keep the routine. Many parents find that letting go of how much their child eats takes a lot of the fight out of meals. Pushing a child to eat tends to make refusals bigger, so when nobody is pushing, the table often gets calmer.

Trying it this week

Pick one meal to start with, often dinner. Serve what the family is eating plus one food your child usually eats, sit down together, and say nothing about how much anyone eats. Expect a few days of testing while your child learns that the new routine is steady.

Read more

• Ending Mealtime Power Struggles
• Why the One-Bite Rule Backfires

References

1. Ellyn Satter Institute: Division of Responsibility
2. Ellyn Satter Institute: Feeding At Every Age